I’m Back!

Hello!

Did you miss me? No? I have been off-line due to Jetpack update sending the site haywire… I think several folks have had that problem, but were more tech savvy than me and could fix it. It’s taken me all morning, and several goes to fix, and now I will celebrate by having lunch on my terrace! It is thanks in part to a friend on FB and the site hosts that I managed to get through this.

It is scary to go in and “fiddle” with computer stuff when you are not used to it, even with YouTube videos etc, as they show pages that look nothing like mine, or the addresses aren’t the same…you know what I mean, right? I’m wondering if I should go on a computer  course for ‘almost oldies’…because, of course, I am not old yet!

Anyway, once I have sorted a particularly nasty looking bramble that is in my line of site, I will get back to entertaining you all.

Lx

Oh no…my fault!

Photo on 09-03-2017 at 14.16 #2 OMG!!!!! 

Have you ever had a day of panic when you find something isn’t working, you can’t remember passowrds ( or how to even spell the word itself!), and you can’t get to speak to a human being to talk you through what you think you need to do???

That was me yesterday when I logged onto this site and found it disabled! Arrrgh! Just as The Meuse, who rarely comes these days, had decided to pop in for coffee. I tried going in in different ways, then once I had got to a certain point I would be told of an error in large red and white banners. I stomped around the kitchen trying to wrack my menopause-addled brain for any passwords I had forgotten.

Late in the afternoon I realised I needed to contact my “server”…who??? Isn’t that WordPress?? Hold on, I’m sure I pay an annual sum to some company or other…begins with…A? Frantic calls late in the afternoon to a friend gave me a company…I emailed them, and then realised they are just my anti-spam guys; oh bugger! More help from Jo led me to discover a company under whose umbrella other companies get to host our sites. I had a lovely digital chat with Craig who said it wasn’t them, but try this company; discovery by Jo of yet another company, cries for a large gin to no-one ( Hubby in London during the week ), and then a rummage in the draws of the computer table (ok, so I am not organised and yes, I KNOW I should be! Give over!) triggered a memory of someone beginning with S….SI….SIG??? Ah ha! SGIS hosting! Got it…..

I managed to send them a cry for help, and poured myself that longed-for gin, cook supper, and fell asleep watching Sophie Rayworth finding out something about her ancestors (I’ll have to re-watch it later).

SO, here we are , and of course you can see all is resolved. What? You want to know what happened? oh well…confession is good for the soul…it turns out I had forgotten to pay my annual renewal…OK? Satisfied? Feeling smug? Or have you just checked when yours is due??

From today I promise not to procrastinate, and when the reminders pings into my electronic mail box, I will pay immediately! I am even now making a note of all the new passwords, sites, companies I need to know…I just want to check on April the Giraffe…

Lx

I admit it, I get depressed

“Oh don’t we all” I hear you cry.

It’s true, we all get down at times, have the Black Dog as Churchill called it, and I have those days too. However recently I have been having worse days – days when to be honest the thought that if I wasn’t here it wouldn’t matter. Other bad things too, which I won’t bore you with. Enough to say having to put my last cat down was the last straw…and no, I’m not a mad Cat Lady!

So now “in therapy”, and it is helping!! I hadn’t realised how much I was missing being able to honestly say things to another human; to have my views shown to me in a different way; to have questions asked that trigger different thoughts. It is early days but I do feel more positive now.

I wondered about posting this…but I am not ashamed of needing, and receiving, help. Sometimes it is good to confess.

Lx

 

 

Are you there?

Morning from a cooler South East of England. There is moisture in the air and the birds are singing like mad. Me and the pets are much happier now the intense heat has abated, even though it was only a few days.

I have a big decision to make about this site. I have just looked at my stats and realised a few things…

  1. I hardly blog any more
  2. hardly anyone is reading the blogs
  3. its costing me money!

SO…. do I keep this site going and try and blog more, assuming that the more I blog the more people will read it; or do I cut my losses and save the dosh in the long run?

Only I can decide this, and I’m not going to do it today…so You, whoever you are ( and indeed if you are there!) will have to wait for the next instalment!

In the meantime it is an art day today, so I will look out my pastels, find something in the garden I want to attempt to draw, then check the email about what we are supposed to be drawing (!), change the item, panic that I am late, and dash off!

 

Laters, dudes!

L x

Oh God- it’s sunny!

I can hear the rest of the South East cheering, packing up their beach gear and cutting the sandwiches…actually, does anyone still do that?

Here I awoke crying. I’m better now, having WhatsApp’d a couple of friends, and switched off the news. For some the sun brings out the best. Today the sun made me feel very down. Don’t ask me why – if I knew that I could do something about it. Is it my vast flabby body? My aching knees? The voice of my husband in my head pointing out I wouldn’t feel like this if I’d exercised more? He does it out of love, no really, he does! Also he is obsessed with exercise…OCD obsessed! Talk about Jack Sprat and his wife, that’s us! 

Something has been cancelled today and in a way that frees my morning. I am trying to look upon it as a good thing. I won’t have to drive to another town, park, walk to the coffee house…is it sounding sincere? Didn’t think so. I was looking forward to catching up with a friend, but her business changed that – we will do it in a few weeks time, hopefully. Meanwhile, I need to go vote in the local elections, shop, get petrol & diesel so I can mow the lawns, walk the dog, actually mow the bloody lawns, and then just bloody get on with stuff! AND CHEER UP!!!!!! 

I don’t like feeling The Black Dog, as my mother and Churchill called it. No-one does. For me it comes and goes, sometimes in the space of a few hours, sometimes a few days. As I get older the dog gets blacker. I know in my heart that if I got on with everything I need to get done, moved more, and got thinner and fitter, then my moods migh lighten. There is no guarantee, but doctors, fitness experts etc tell us the chemicals our bodies produce after exercise are like a natural happy pill…I am NEVER taking happy pills, by the way before one of you mentions them…I can’t even regularly take vitamins, I’m hopeless at it! 

So, today’s rule is No TV until Pointless at 5.15pm. OK? I can have the radio, my Audio books, anything else, but no TV…hopefully it means I won’t sit down until abou 4 pm, when I’m promising myself tea on the terrace with my knitting.

Place your bets, ladies and gents.

May your day be a happy one.

Lx

Fight The Good Fight

This is my school’s motto, and one it is good to remember…but do I? Nope!

Yesterday I met up with two very good friends for a coffee/chat/shop, and it reminded me how easy I find it to not do this; it is too easy to hide in my home and vegetate. I was told by an old friend that I always had this tendency, and it really is one to fight against. It’s a danger to not only my mental health, my physical health is suffering too. The ridiculous thing is that as soon as I meet up with friends, go up to our London flat to be with my two men ( son & hubby in case you are looking shocked!), go out for a walk, shop or just get out, then I remember how much I love seeing others, moving around, and being in the World.

So why do I let myself go the opposite way? Is it just my weight…in which case it’s a vicious circle…or am I like a sloth? I am a curvaceous woman at heart anyway. At the mo I am an obese one, but my weight fluctuates so much… Or at least it has done in the past. Lately I’ve felt the Universe has dumped a decade or so on me, which is really annoying, as I’ve always thought of myself as early 30s…stop laughing those who know I am 57!! So I can’t let this hold me back. My mother did, refusing to go with my father to office parties etc (tho her deafness was a factor here too) and it made my father very sad.

So I am going to try from now on to have at least one social event per week, be it dog walking, shopping or meeting for a coffee and chat. I am also going to try to stop apologising for being a big woman…and whilst I’m on the subject I do wish my favourite shop would stock more Plus sizes!! Just because I’m fat doesn’t mean I don’t want to be smart too!! Oh, I feel a rant coming on, so I will drink some tea, breathe and get back on subject.

Next week is a fab start to this new life as I’m back at Art, it is Camera Club-in-the-pub week, and I’m going out another night with another group of girls. I’m exhausted just typing this! A bit of a feast after the famin! 

All this has been triggered by a fab trip to Tokyo with Hubby, after a week spent in Norfolk with him during the Varsity Golf Match ( Cambridge Ladies and Oxford men won). I do like my Old Man – he is a true Gentle Man, and good fun to be with. If you see us together I’m sure Jack Sprat and his wife springs to mind. 

So feel free to nag me in comments if I don’t post in a week or so what else I am doing! I’d love to hear if anyone else finds this hermit- tendency creating up on them too… We could fight it together! 

I shall go gird on my armour ( make-up & clothes I love) and go chat to the World…be warned! 

Lx

Here begins the next phase.

What a weekend we have just had! Every year we host a few male golfers for a competition at Rye in East Sussex called The President’s Putter. This is for the members of the Oxford & Cambridge Golfing Society, known as The Society. Hubby has managed to get to the final once as the standard ranges form not bad to scratch and mildly professional.

This year saw Hubby become Captain…shades of The Dead Poet’s Society spring to mind, but without the poetry! This is a 2 year stint which means lots of mileage, very few free weekends (although that is up to the individual), the odd trip abroad, at least one “golf tour, wives not included”, and not a little pride from Yours Truly. Sadly Hubby still is working full time so even less time will be spent together, but hopefully I will spend more time mid-week with Himself in London, with the odd meal out ( fingers crossed), and LOADS of brownie points being earned here.images

Now, I’m not promising I will love every minute of His tenure, but knowing it is something he loves makes me happy. Soppy? Of course it is…I love him!

Lx

Another Loss

IMG_4542
Lala Cat looking at me whilst her brother snores on

I know this is nothingcompared with the loss of lives over the weekend, all round the World, but this morning I found one of our cats dead outside the front door. She was our Daughter’s cat, Lara ( named after Lara Croft), over 17 years old, and rather smelly & scrawny. She didn’t like many people, stalking my husband for years before deciding to ignore any male in the house, hiding from strangers, but loving to fall asleep on my lap in my bouncy chair and purr like you have never heard! We had to turn the TV volume up once she got going. I called her Lala Cat.

Sadly it may have been either my husband or I who might have hit her this morning on our way out to the station…I really hope not. I am hoping she died first, or it was the milkman…anything else than thinking I killed her.  Don’t get me wrong, I am not normally sentimental about animals, and don’t believe in paying vets a fortune to prolong agony just so the human can feel they have done all they can…I can never forget our daughter saying that if she had been an animal we would have had her put to sleep gracefully and painlessly when she was in agony with her cancer.

But now, ( yes, I know I shouldn’t start a sentence with but!!) I am the only female soul in the house. The fact that I have registered this shows that it matters to me, ‘tho it shouldn’t. It is another thread physically broken with our daughter. Perhaps I’m not as “healed” as I think, as I’ve PRIDED myself in being.

Then the little practical voice that has my mother’s tone says…”For goodness’ sake, it was only a cat! Worse things are happening elsewhere, and life goes on. Now pull yourself together and go do the shopping…but have a shower first!” “And p
ut some make-up on!” (see, even my inner voice has bad grammar).

SO, up for a shower, on with the “face”, and lets see what the rest of the day brings. It can only get better!

Lx

 

 

Love Not Hate

I know the Internet is full of blogs and posts telling the rest of us that all this hate for others is only producing more bloodshed and that Love conquers all…but obviously the wrong people are reading them, and those who are causing all the bloodshed don’t bother to read our positive messages.

They never will.

Their minds are closed to sunshine, thinking their way is the only way. They may be doing all that they can through fear for the loss of a way of life, loss of beliefs, loss of power. Some of it comes across as the fear of the rise of Women, or the loss of power from the Men…I’m not a feminist, but rather a believer in everyone being equal. The people who are fighting against that are using religion as their excuse. They seem to be basing their ideas on life lived many hundreds of years ago…Life may have been simpler then, but we cannot live in the past.

This does not mean we have to get rid of all of our beliefs, our “rules” for living, but we do need to adapt…after all that is the law of survival. Each religion needs to grow with the World, adapting and adopting as they go to provide a firm base for those who want to live according to those beliefs.

None of these should include the killing of anyone else for the sake of that religion!!! I can’t believe there is any god anywhere who would think the taking of life is a good thing! God would surly regard every life as sacred. Do not all religions believe God created life and us? I honestly don’t know as I have not studied them; but having turned away from organised religion several years ago I still believe in a benevolent Being/Power/Energy who is behind Life… that being is, I believe it is something that would abhor this fighting in It’s name.

Be honest Folks! The reason you are killing each other is because you want the Power over others.

DON’T BLAME GOD

Ok, that’s just my view, and I hope that Love Will Conquer All!

Lx

It’s OK to be Down

Ever felt that we are bombarded by posts telling us that we must Be Positive. Think Positive Thoughts etc? I am actually one of those who repost those wonderful sayings and pictures, but I am also on elf those who gets really down too – my mother called them the Black Dog days…I think Winston Churchill called them that too, and I can see why.

Saturday morning was a beautiful morning here and promised to be a great day. I had arranged to meet a girlfriend for lunch, Hubby is away so no large laundry pile to be done by Sunday night. The day was mine to do as I pleased with…but I didn’t want to get out of bed! My stomach had the pitch black heavy feeling that I hate, and the thoughts of death floated upwards…not of suicide I quickly add, but of the peace of not being.

These feelings pass. I got up, got the papers, did some shopping, and went to lunch with my friend.

And so the feeling passed. It always does. I just have to remember that!

I think it’s ok to admit to these days, to show I am human, and certainly have never been perfect, despite being blessed with so much in my life. I don’t think I am abnormal, or strange…I am sure everyone gets these days, but perhaps they don’t broadcast them. I’m just saying to you, Dear Reader, that I think it’s ok to admit to them.

 

That’s all, back to normal sunny disposition, as I roast a leg of lamb for another friend.

Hugs to those who need them.

L xhugging_kittens

Statins V Diet

9.3!!!! My cholesterol is 9.3????

We have a family history of high cholesterol, but this is way too high, so of course I gave in and let the nurse put me on statins. All went well for the first 3 weeks…

Then I thought I would boost the results by trying Benecol as well…its all good stuff, right? WRONG!!!!! Oh boy…I won’t go into details, but suffice to say I have been thoroughly cleaned out and my insides are very, very sore!!! I called the Doc for some advice …

“Ride it out”

Thanks! Is that it? “Apart from stopping the pills until all is clear, yes”! HA!

So here I am, almost a week later, feeling rather weak, a little pathetic and sore inside, and half a stone if not more lighter ( that’s the plus side!). I even had a day in bed yesterday to catch up on sleep and try to flush it out as much as possible, only eating rice, soup and a baked potato … this has slowed things down (thankfully!) but I must get on! Hubby is off to Japan at the end of the week and I’d like to spend some time with him before he goes! This is more tricky than it sounds as he lives in London during the week; and when you are feeling like you’ve been scoured by drain cleaner travelling can be tricky!

When all of this dies down I will try the pills again, and try to moderate my diet even more…but I know what I really need to do …MOVE MORE!!!!

In all honesty, I’ve stopped doing most things…yoga has drifted off, even walking has got down to a minimum, so it is no wonder my stats are bad.

I’m not going to make any wonderful promises of running a marathon next year, or climbing a mountain or anything like that. I will just say I am going to do little and often, more and more, until I feel I can really move properly.

I have been doing Slimming World since Feb but not really “done” it, so I must do that too.

Then we will see what the blood tests say nearer Christmas…which is not that far away… oh help! Now I’m wondering what on earth I can get my Old Man as a present????? EEEEKKK!!!!!

Lx

 

Oh The Relief! OR Always Check Your Diary Properly!!

What a difference a few hours makes, eh?

Firstly I have managed to lose 1/2lb at the weigh-in last night…not as much as I said I would but better than nothing; and I went with two friends which made the trip more enjoyable!

Secondly, and more importantly, as I hadn’t heard from my expected guests as to what time they would arrive I checked the official site for Cottages4you. What a huge wally I am!!! What I thought was a booking on my calendar on my iPhone was in fact some random thing from Facebook!!!

The relief! Then the realisation as to what exactly has been causing me most of the anguish over my trip. How stupid of me!

Of course, in my joy I stuffed my face with my whole 15 sins allowance with hi-Lite bars ( The Rocky Red, if you MUST know!), and I now have a sugar headache, but I DONT CARE!

So, I am taking a mug of tea back to bed, reading a bit more of Terry Pratchett – and how sad was the news he died yesterday: lets not get weird that I was just mentioning him…ok?

So, see you laters, dear reader!

Lx