The ‘What If” Game

Do you ever play this game? You know, What if I was single/married/widowed/rich/thinner/fatter…etc,etc! It’s not necessarily one we play because we are dissatisfied with our lives, at least I don’t think it is… I bet there are psychologists out there screaming at the screen saying “oh yes it is”!

Nope, I play it because I always have. When I was little my mother used to do the Pools (like the lottery, but based on football scores each Saturday). We would have the game of what would we spend the money on if we won.

She would always have a different house, I would have a bigger bike, or the next Barbie. I once asked for a sister or brother, but that was really out there as I was the only one to survive of Mum’s pregnancies. We loved who we were, and what we had, it just seemed fun to pretend. and there was always a swimming pool in the list somewhere!

I still play it sometimes, like today when I saw the perfect cottage if I was a widow..(nod to the Gods, Fate, Whoever is In Charge- I love things as they are, so please mits off my Hubby, and go read someone else’s blog, thank you very much!).. Phew, now where was I? Oh yes, this cottage… now it wasn’t all that perfect, because it wasn’t in a village with a shop, doctor’s surgery, hairdresser etc, but it did have all that I think i will need in later life…small garden, conservatory, enough rooms for me, cats, maybe small dog, and grandchildren who visit their Old Gran when allowed!(not the one in this pic).(Although I really like this one too! Wonder where it is?)

I was playing this game on my way home from a friend’s house, but when I drove up to mine, I REALISED I can really, really wait for my ‘What If’ to come true! I love where I am in time and space, and whilst games are fun, real life can be just as fun, if not better!

So I’m off to tidy up my dream house, make a cup of tea, and sit on my dream garden swing looking at my dream garden ( and ignore the weeds!)

Enjoy your dreams whilst you are living them!

Lxx


 

Sunshine

What a difference the sunshine makes! When I wake up to sunshine I feel anything is possible! And it is! Well, it’s possible any day of the week, whatever the weather, but somehow I’m wired to feel more powerful in the sun. ☀☀☀

As the year moves on so the sun rises further towards the left side of the window of my bedroom. There is nothing like the feel of its rays on my face, and the red glow seen through my closed eyes. I can really understand why people in past eons worshiped this warming thing. It makes me count my blessings, which are many! My Grandmother was a great one for counting her blessings, and used to give me a huge hug when it came the last blessing -me!

It is so easy to remember to be thankful on glorious days like this, tougher when the rain is lashing, wind blowing, and we are cold and miserable; but that is when we really need to remember them! Most of us reading this now are so lucky… For a start we can afford the gadget we are reading it on! And we can see to read it! Oh, you get the picture, I’m not going to tell you what you have to be grateful for! You know!

So, thank you, sunshine, for making me feel so great, and thank you for all my blessings! I’m going to get outside and enjoy your warmth, and be grateful!

Lxx

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Sunday Thoughts

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Here I am sitting a the kitchen table again, watching the birds attacking the nuts and seeds in the rain! They’re like a bunch of school kids at times, jostling for a perch on each holder to see if it’s better than the others. Every Time I try to take a picture for you thy fly off! Very annoying!

It has been raining like mad in the UK ever since the drought conditions and hosepipe bans were announced. Well, of course! ☔☔☔ There are large puddles lying on the lawns, despite having spiked them earlier in the year, which won’t help my fight against the moss! On the plus side the plants, trees, harvests etc are all loving the water!

I was nicely ensconced doing this blog in P&Q till hubby walked in! He now. Wishes he’d bought some meat to roast for lunch…not because he wants to eat it so much as it would have given him something to do!! What he really wants to do is go hit some golfballs as he’s got the Spring Meeting at St.Andrew’s next weekend, and needs some practice!⛳ Instead he is roaming around the house brooding! So I have sent him to the back door to fix the cat flap! Our dog, Buddy, has a habit of ripping the outside bit off if he can’t get my attention to let him in quickly enough for his liking! This is the 5th catflap in 4 years now, and the holes in the door are almost ripped to pieces. So Hubby, who is not the best DIY chap in the world, bless him, is filling the holes first with wood filler and then will hopefully fix the flap so we will not feel the icy draught in the kitchen.
On the plus side of no thawing the cat flap in place is that I can hear the tinkling of the new wind chimes I bough yesterday…

The other annoying thing is that I just get into the flow of writing and Someone needs something else which he has no idea where it is (usually in front of him) and it is needed ASAP! In his defence he is only here in the weekends so he really doesn’t know where things might be, but then I don’t put things back in the same place sometimes so even if he knew it might not be there!

I love being inside when it’s raining.. My favourite place is in the conservatory, if not too cold, listening to the rain on the roof, and feeling snug. On of my earliest memories is of being pushed in the stroller by my mum with the rain hood on feeling safe, warm and dry and loving the sounds of the rain! Never a thought for poor old mum pushing me in the rain! Have you ever played that game of racing raindrops down a window? No? The skill is of course to chose the right drop…too big and it will just zoom down, drawing in those smaller ones as it drops, too small and it will be drawn into a bigger one. Now, this is of course a game essentially for children who are bored on a wet day…or it used to be. I first came across it in an A.A. Milne book of poems when I was learning to read all those decades ago when I never felt the adult guilt of doing ‘nothing’. Now, I have to make a conscious effort to play the game… I can’t wait to introduce my grandchildren to it (if I ever have any; no rush, Son!)

Ah, Hubby has now gone to light the fire in the drawing room so we can read in warmth in about 30 mins. This is what Sundays are for… Doing those wonderful quiet things like reading quietly together, firelight flickering, the occasional turning of the page, and after lunch there might even be the gentle snore of the other person to make the sense of snugness complete.

So, thank you, rain, for providing us with the perfect excuse for being quiet and still, enjoying eachother’s company without the sense we should be doing something else! I’m off to find a couple of perfect raindrops first s I can win!

L xx

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But what can I DO?

Last Friday  we had a gathering of our Breakfast Club clan. The others all run, or are setting up, successful businesses or web sites, and are wonderfully supportive of the one who has just this blog and her holiday cottage ( I can already feel Someone telling me off for the ‘just’!). Many of them are telling me to set up my own ‘thing’, and I always come away from any contact with them feeling the world is my slimy sea creature to do with what I will!

Well, I was enthusing to my Old Man over a very nice dinner out, as we wouldn’t get home in time from London for a meal, and when I said about starting up my own business a Certain Look came over his face…Now I really hope you have no idea what I am talking about! I trust that your life partner supports you in everything you attempt and achieve! This Look was not quite patronising, not quite sympathetic, and definitely not quite totally supportive!!! It has that, oh I don’t know, ‘Darling, I do love you, and I know you can do lots of things, BUT …”

No, I didn’t immediately slug him one, nor did I take my not inconsiderable large handbag and deck him in the middle of the restaurant! Do you know, it never occurred to me until last night when talking to a girlfriend that that is what my reaction should have been!

What did I do?….. I said…“I know, I know, what can I do?”

Now, please stop yelling at your screen! If your in public, people will be staring at you! Believe me, my darling friend last night did enough at me down the phone!!! I am capable of doing many, many things! Yes, I am! its just that I am not sure many of them would make me £££ or even $$$ let alone ppp!

I don’t believe I am alone feeling this – in fact I know I am not; and there are many out there who make a fab career of guiding ‘lost souls’ like me to their new career paths. I am just going to have to take time to decide exactly what I am going to do next…after all, the new phase of my life will begin this Summer…i will no longer have a child in full time education!!!

OMG! How did that happen?? Where have all those years gone? Oh yes, I remember, I LIVED them! And boy, were they FUN!!!

Lx

Ouch!

Do you have back pain or knee pain?

No, don’t panic, I am not going to try selling you some amazing potion that will immediately have you jumping around like a kangaroo…I wish! I could do with one! I have just come back form the doctor’s myself where I was hoping to be sent to some wonderful person with healing hands who will after a few prods and pokes will leave me perfect again! Well, we all like to dream!

My Doc has decided I should try physio before seeing any specialist as its quicker, and I might seize up in the meantime! he has given me some painkillers and muscle relaxants (!) to help me move so I can still walk the dog… I wonder if they will allow me to walk more than 200yds without having to stop whilst the pain goes! We shall discover later!

In the meantime I shall still try a few exercises like reaching for the kettle, carrying the ironing upstairs slowly with stops, and generally trying to get on with stuff!

Lx

Monday morning, thinking positively!

Morning, World.

I’m sitting at my kitchen table, waiting for the boiler man to come fix the cottage boiler, again! I feel awful when things go wrong in my property…I feel I let the guests down! Luckily I seem to have very understanding, nice guests, who are happy to put up with the odd blow heater and electric radiator! Hope fully this time the boiler will be well and trolly fixed, or I’ll have to get a new one!

I went to our #breakfastclublive event at Milton Keynes to meet up with some of the fab people we tweet with first thing in the morning…see the link in my menu! We had a great day, lots of laughter, hugs and chat… Infact this time was smaller and easier to connect, cha and find out more about eachother. There are some amazing people out there, and I’m always blown away by the friendliness and wellness to open themselves to others.

I was wondering about past events of a different nature I have been to where I felt completely isolated and talked to very few people. Was it the event, or me that was difficult? Did I just lack the confidence to bounce up to people and chat, be open, and so I didn’t respond in an open manner to the others?

Who knows, but I do know that now I feel more confident social events are easier! I must be giving off better vibes now! Proof of the power of positive thought!

Talking of which, here is my fab boiler man, so I’m off to bring positive thought to that bloody boiler, scuse the lingo! Have a fab week folks!

Lx

PS…. Leak in a water pipe in the boiler is why it keeps loosing water and pressure! Not all my fault! Phew!

Alone again

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Here I am again, alone.

No, I’m not sad about it… Son has gone back to uni for his last few weeks, and hubby back in London at work. This is the norm on a Monday evening. Sometimes I hate it and feel sad to be alone… Others, like tonight, with the sun just falling behind the trees, I am glad to be alone.

Here, in my house which I love, I am Queen! I can wander from room to room, singing at the top of my voice ( no near neighbours!), I can be naked, I can tidy up the detritus which is invariably left behind after a family weekend… Or I can chose not to! It is up to me! So is what I watch on TV, if anything!!

These days it is increasingly difficult to find something I want to watch! Sorry, but I’m just not into “reality” TV, especially when you know it’s scripted! I just don’t get the point! Yes, I’ve got Sky…seems I’m paying a lot of money for a lot of crap that I don’t want to watch! There are those nuggets of course, that we record to play back at just the right moment…that is tonight for me! But there isn’t anything I have recorded! Bugger! Oh well, I have the odd 500 DVDs-surely I can find something amongst them to watch?? Ha, what’s the betting I can’t make my mind up! Too much choice!

Boy, I sound like a Grumpy Old Woman, and this was supposed to be a positive, Woopie- style of blog! It still is! Yes, it is! The house is vaguely tidy, I have sorted out TVs and rooms, the washing is almost done…the Housewife Side of me is sort of happy that I have done some work. The Diva Side of me has managed to belt out the odd number without the animals running for cover…tho there were a few odd looks!

What I really love is the fact I can go to bed when I want and read for as long as I want! I can fall asleep with the light on, the TV on, the radio…whatever I want! Yes, I prefer to snuggle up to Hubby, talk over the day, comment on our son, kiss goodnight and turn off the light, and I ge to do that at the weekend, and sometimes during the week; but tonight the bed (and my time) is mine!!

I am certainly one of the luckiest peeps alive! I do thank God for that, and count my blessings, and I’m sorry if I sound smug, but tonight I LIKE BEING ALONE!

Night folks!
L xx

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Did I love my mother?

Last week my mother came up in conversation with a friend, and something was said about loving my mum… I was thrown by my reaction, which was ‘did I’?

There are no rules in life about how you have to feel about your parents… There is actually no rule that says there MUST be a bond between family members. We expect there to be, it is regarded as the norm. The chemical reaction when a mother sees her new born for the first time(…I seem to remember just being shattered!! Then I wouldn’t let anyone touch her incase she woke up!!), when a father holds his child for the first time… There are so many books about how we SHOULD feel. In reality each relationship is different.

Did I love my mother? She was an amazing woman, strong-willed and overcame turning deaf at the age of 8. The youngest of 5, 11 years younger than her next sibling, she grew up running wild in a very old-fashioned vicarage between the Wars, on the edge of Richmond. Most of her time was spent with the sextan, gardening, painting, and generally being a nuisance to her older brother and sisters until losing her hearing after whooping cough. Then she was sent to boarding school to learn lipreading after normal lessons, went to art school, then studied theatre costume design, suffered losing her home, married my father, etc. She was always entertaining her friends, painting, joining groups, running art exhibitions, and always gardening.
She was a voracious reader, and always had an opinion which she was very willing to give! She couldn’t whisper, so everyone around her would hear her comments, and I would die a death with embarrassment. She was a joy to go round the RA with because of her knowledge, and the people we would meet!

So why do I find it so difficult to say I loved my mother? I was an only child, and she was so worried about me becoming the usual spoilt brat she went the other way! ‘You must always think of others first’ was her motto for me, which is not a bad one… Really, the World might be a better place if we all thought that way. Life had to be lived on her terms at all time. Even to the point of making me chose between my parents and my first fiancé! … The fact she was right about him should make me grateful to her.

So, do I sound like the spoilt brat, crying? It has taken me some time to start thinking well of myself. Perhaps it will take some time to be able to answer the question of did I love my mother..I certainly admired her, enjoyed her company at times…

I think I’m going to have to get back to you on this…. It may take some time!
Lax

Easter Weekend

Here I am again, Folks, sitting at the kitchen table whilst the chaps are still asleep. It is 7.30 on Easter Saturday, and alas the day looks like a cold dull one…the dog didn’t stay out long after his breakfast, so it might be a wee bit chilly out there!
We are going to the Charing Point-To-Point today so I must get the picnic finished and packed soon

For those of you who don’t know what a Point-To-Point day is it is where the local farmers and horse owners get together and have a day of racing their horses against each other over a course with jumps. There are stalls selling everything from burgers to posh boots, animal beds, cars(occasionally) clothes, etc. I started going with my parents when I was about 10 and introduced my hubby to it our first year of dating. Since then our kids have loved it and now we are at the stage where we all go together, son goes off to find friends, brings them back for the odd beer and snack, and then everyone goes visiting their friends’ cars…we all picnic out of our car boots, or as we do, take picnic tables, chairs, rugs etc and make a day of socially chilling with folks we haven’t seen lately. When the children were about 10 we would make sure we were parked next to their school friends’ parents and would have a huge party together. Now we just park where we can and mingle.

The dog comes too of course! He copes really well with all the feet and legs, and assumes they are all there to pay homage to him with sausages, and any other scrap he can pilfer if I’m not looking!

The day is run by the local hunt, and I’m not going to argue either way about the politics of that. It doesn’t enter into the day for us. If I lose your following because of this, I am sorry, but there it is! For us it is a great day of seeing friends, placing bets, losing more often than not, but enjoyment is the whole point. It helps the local economy, and that has to be a good thing!

In all the years I have been we have seen every type of weather, including snow… This is because Easter is a moveable Feast and the point to point is always on Easter Saturday. The only sad bit to the day is missing the Oxford and Cambridge Boat Race…but thanks to modern technology we get to see that too later! Well, after hubby and son have caught up with The Masters action!! (golf for those who don’t know) !

So, soon the boys will stir, tea will be drunk, breakfast scoffed, they will go off to get the meat for tomorrow etc….well, they are supposed to be the Hunter-Gatherers! The car will be packed with everything I have put by it…if its not there it’s my fault! A wonderful day will be enjoyed, despite the weather, and we will all return, refreshed if exhausted, ready for Easter Day!

I do hope you all have. A wonderful Easter, or Passover, and find. Much refreshment for your souls as we hope to today.

Big hugs!
Lxx

Setting it up…yes? No? Now?

Here I am, getting a bit nervous! Why? Because I am contemplating what I have to do!

A few weeks ago, and in another blog, I mentioned we were going to set up a fundraising group for the Teenege Cancer Trust. Well, as you will know we had a fab meeting, and since then… Nothing! I am supposed to be setting up a Facebook page for us, but no one has got in touch about our name, and I don’t feel I should go ahead without knowing what others think.

Here is a problem with groups… We might actually need a leader! And I don’t want to be it, but no one else seems to be doing anything…apart from the fab Michael, who has arranged the dinner in November! He doesn’t want to lead us, I’ve asked!

Now, the question is… Do we need a leader, or should we all just join in?Oh, just had a paranoid thought… Maybe they are but I’m not in the loop? Well, that’s no problem, I wont be hurt, it would just help to know!

I have sent them all an email this Mornign so we will see  happens. At the worst I won’t hear anything; at best they will all reply and we can go forward. I am the only one in the group who has any personal experience of losing a child, and I wonder if they think that means I’m in charge? Or rather they’re differing to Louise, the area boss from TCT?

Oh, I just don’t want to tread on anyone’s toes, nor really be in charge, I just want to get things moving!! I need forward motion for me, in my life, so it would help if Forward was in other ares too…. Am I making sense? Who said no?!

Well, the email is sent, so we will see what happens… I’m either a bossy soandso or they were all waiting for something to happen!!

Lxx