Yesterday was the third anniversary of my mother’s death, and I was thinking about it, but not in a morbid way… I have been marvelling about how much has changed since then.
Along with reminding myself how much I love and owe to Mother, and also how infuriating she could be (I don’t believe in making the dead saints if they weren’t!) I have been counting my blessings. It was my Grandmother who taught me to do that (a vicar’s widow then and living with us then) as a panacea for “the black dog” and it used to drive Mother nuts!
In these three years I have grown up (only a little, mind!), become a holiday landlady, joined a golf club, admitted to depression, come on here, Twitter and Facebook, met some amazing ladies who have really helped me, conquered my fear of skiing, seen my son graduate and become a ski instructor, got a fitness trainer and agreed to do a 5k run!! (June 5th is latest date).
Wow! You should try doing that and see how much you have achieved! It does wonders for our egos to have this list! Well, it’s doing great things for mine…I may have to lie down with a herbal tea!
Yes, I do miss Mother, but her passing was all part of the natural order of Life, as is my becoming the “Matriarch” – tho I think that’s far too grand a name for me!! So I look to the next three years and wonder how much bigger my list of things achieved will be? I don’t worry that it may not grow much, I am just rather curious!
“Hm!” Said Pooh, “I’m stuck!”
It is week 23 since starting this new way of life and training, and I now weigh 14stone 2 1/4lbs.
That’s a loss of 36 1/4lbs. That’s …(quick calculation on fingers) a loss of 1.6lbs pr week… It’s gone down from a loss of 2lbs per week in the last month…Grrrrr!
Mind you I have had my birthday, a skiing trip involving restaurants, celebration of exams being passed, and son becoming ski instructor…. ie, real life got in the way! No, really, these things HAD to be done, after all I don’t live in isolation!
It is very difficult to get Adam, the trainer, to understand the pull of “bad” food and drink! Unless you are or have been a “food addict” it is difficult to understand that magical feeling in your mouth, in your tummy, in your head!
On a good day the joy of being fitter and thinner overrides all of that… On a bad day you remember it!
So this half stone is hanging on! I had really wanted it to go by the end of my skiing trip, but obviously not enough! I have been kind to myself, and I am not going to apologise for that!
I miss the running and the buzz that gives me so keep your fingers crossed that I can soon get back to it! It is easier than some of the other exercises I have to do to get the same feeling!
I need to focus again, remember how it feels to be on track…
Isn’t this what I said in my last blog???
Oh well, I AM only human!
Today I feel I need to start all over again.
I have done some Emotional Eating over the weekend due to the visit to the nurse ( please read previous blog), and so a reminder of what I have achieved over the past 4months is needed for my mindset!
I have lost 2.5 stone.
I have boosted my fitness from hardly being able to walk without puffing like a steam engine to contemplating doing a 5k run in May this year.
My self-confidence has soared so high!
My moods are so much brighter, and I feel my depression days are fading away.
I must not let “this” ruin it all! In fact I am sure the new me can cope with anything! Well, I have in the past and I wasn’t as fit then!!
I have let the food diary slip and that is not good….writing it down as you eat it is a MUST…for me!
Also throwing away left overs immediately, and putting the bin out!! ( stop looking so shocked! I know I am not alone in needing to do this!!)
Right, so enough typing…I will leap out of bed and go put it all into action!
Today’s thought for the day is taken from Jayne M Cox…#iCANattitude It works!
Oh, how I missed you last night! I can’t believe that you have been gone almost 3 years.
I have been concentrating so much on “moving on” from under your shadow I had forgotten how much I relied on talking things over with you.
My first reminder was when I returned from the latest skiing trip on Tuesday so full of buzz, and wanting to tell you all about it I started walking towards the Cottage!
My second reminder was yesterday after a quick trip to the nurse. I was concerned about some post menopausal bleeding, and us ladies are told to get it checked out. During the examination the nurse found a small lump or polyp inside, and despite being sure it’s nothing I needed to tell you about it.
I couldn’t get out of the Surgery fast enough, and concentrated on my new Cottage guests; but once all that was done and the darkness fell my mind went to work! You know what I’m like.
One thing I am very lucky in is my friends. One happened to email me and I emailed back. She rang immediately and we talked. She has just become an orphan too and we talked about being the matriarch now, and the importance of not over thinking things!
Then I fell asleep.
This morning I did what my friend told me not to, and Googled the polyp…for once it has put my mind to rest! I am still aware of it…oh I can’t actually feel anything, but you know that way our minds have of making an area “sensitive”.
But, I can hear you saying ” Oh for goodness sake, Elizabeth! Pull yourself together and go make your bed!”
And you are right! There is nothing I can do about it until the appointment comes through and the Docs take a look.
In the meantime, I will make my bed, put the washing on, and remember all those wonderful hugs we had.
Please give Daddy, Ally and Manga huge hugs from me.
All my love
Your Grown Up Daughter.
I’m home again and having an early morning think.
I have training today, and I’m amazed how much I have changed and grown in the last 4months.
Why? Well, in the past after a skiing holiday, with knees feeling tender and weak, I would have cancelled any thought of doing more exercise for a day or two. Who am I kidding…I’d have put it off for weeks!! I would have used them as an excuse to sit down, watch TV at the kitchen table, not walk the dog…you be the idea!
And now… All I did was text Adam to say I was looking forward to training, which I am, but the knees are sore. That still sounds like a little excuse, but it’s a HUGE leap for me!
I am reviewing this last trip away – my skiing;how I felt about it; me; our Son.
The big question is WHAT NOW?
Not in that “oh God” way… Yes, I’m back to an empty house etc, but this is more a question of what will my next Goal be?
Of course, there is the idea that I do the 5k run, and that is still on as far as I’m concerned, knees willing.
I have a couple of big things that need to be done in the house and garden…well, 4things actually.
I still am doing my art, but we have February off, so I must do some on my own.
I want to spend more time with Hubby, and can thanks to our fab dog sitter.
Is this enough? Will it all help to continue this personal growth I feel I have achieved since last September? Is there something else I should be doing/trying?
The one thing I DO know is I have so much more self-confidence now, and it is impacting on every element of my life!
I am very grateful for that.
SO… that’s it for now, up and at ’em, fling those curtains wide, and limp to the shower!
Know your limits!
Mine has arrived.
I have had a blast!
I have had fun skiing with My Boys, an seeing Son in teacher mode.
We have had great meals out, not least last night with friends who have an apartment here.
Today I feel the effects of it all- not least the alcohol last night! How all these people manage after the huge amounts we see being consumed beats me! Their youth is on their side but still! I am feeling the altitude. Not a hangover as such- no, really! No headache!
My limit today is the lack of any power in my legs.
I’m glossing over the knees and back which, as I have previously said, can be skied through!
No, enough is enough! I have done 3 runs this morning- all rather choppy in flat light – and so I am enjoying a rest whilst Hubby goes on a few of his own.
Tonight will be our last night here so we will feed up Son, ( and perhaps a friend of his) top up his bank account I bet, and pack.
Oh, and find out how to fit snow chains so we can get out if the garage tomorrow morning!
I am tired but happy
PS: I did another run! Teehee! X
It’s true! No, really! If you had tried it you would be too!!
Yes, I know it sounds mad, but believe me, once tried NEVER forgotten!!
I’ll explain…in this hotel they have loos with heated seats! Oh the bliss! You come in from the slopes, cold and, well, sweaty to be honest, and take a seat….it has to be experienced to understand the gorgeousness of the warmth on your bum!
But that’s not all!! If you want it will wash you and dry you too! I kid you not! It is, of course, Japanese I think. Certainly Hubby has come across them in Tokyo, and I’m sure some of you will have too in different parts of the world.
Well, I WANT ONE AT HOME! It’s that simple.
The warmth in the night in winter…the clean feeling…well, I won’t go on but I’m sure you get the picture.
And you can alter the strength of the um, flow of water, and it is directed! Front or back!! And then dries all perfectly.
So, hands up all of you who now want one too….I knew it!
Spread the love!