Uh oh! Where did it go??

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Today is Training Day, and I am beginning to dread it! Why? Because I stuffed my face with chocolate yesterday!! Why? Because I am stupid, and weak, and gave into it, that’s why!

Actually, that Why is a biggie, and I can’t really answer it! I am visualising how I felt when I entered the shop to get the paper… There was an element of “oh bugger it” and “because I want to” but I am wondering if it is also to do with my self-image again.

Since having to shelve the 5K my body image has grown…I actually look bigger in the mirror! It was almost an overnight thing, and it is slightly true in that because I am not jogging or working as hard as I was an inch has come back, as has the desire to stuff my face.

Before I was really proud of what I was achieving, and I loved buying and wearing my Eileen Fisher clothes, despite the fact they are mainly black so going near the Golden Retriever was a disaster in them!! Now? My Fat Clothes are creeping back into my wardrobe, I am slouching more, and eating more…

In other words I am setting myself up for failure!
I can feel the thoughts of ” lets cancel Adam. What excuse can I give?” entering my head on a Wednesday evening; so far I have resisted, knowing that if I do it will be the end to all I have so far achieved!!

I have stopped writing down every morsel of food that I eat.
I sit at the kitchen table too long.
I am losing sight of…. .?? What? Where I wanted to be? I didn’t set an End Place, did I?

I think I am letting the Weight Issue become too important compared with the Health Issue.

The fact is I am fitter than last September; I am slimmer; I can move better, breathe better.
I am open to more ideas and people.
I have pushed my boundaries, done things I didn’t think I would, and began to talk to people I didn’t think I would.

Believe it or not I am rather a shy person and meeting new folks always slightly freaks me! But I am fighting that! I HAVE to if I want to enjoy going to Hubby’s golf things with him, and supporting him the way I want to. I am so proud of him, and all he is achieving.
Also we see so little of each other during the weeks with our lifestyle that I want to go with him…
What’s he doing? He has become a referee for the R&A, the British Ruling Body for Golf, he’s on the Rules Committee, and will be refereeing at not only a qualifying round for the .british Open, but also at The Open!! He is also refereeing at St.Omere in June on the European Tour. And he is still working full time!! What a Man!

So you see, it is important to Me that I am comfortable and confident in myself enough to go with Hubby to these events, mix with the other wives, walk round either the courses or various other events; and be able to socialise in the after-event events!

I can hear my mother saying…” But Darling, don’t worry about what they think of you! They should worry about what you think of them!” Wow! How I wish she had given me that gene, instead of the short dumpy one!

But, hey! These are the chips we play with…no, not chips…tooo foodie….. These are the cards I have been dealt. So far, I have won a few hands, lost a few hands, but I think I still hold a strong hand (too many hands now!). I have not folded, even if I have exchanged a few car for others…well, what card player doesn’t! I may not know what game it is I’m playing (!) but at least I’m still in the Game!

So, off to shower, get dressed, look in the mirror and tell that woman what a fabulous, and remarkable person she is….I just hope she believes me!

Oh, and if you see me in the shop…. Steer me away from the chocolate!!

Thanks for reading, Folks!


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Affirmation statement

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Monday afternoon I went for my one-to-one session with the Yoga teacher I have found. After dashing to find her house it was very easy to settle into the peace and calm of her room, and my own space. She has a wonderful voice when telling me how to turn, stretch, and breath. If you haven’t tried Yoga yet, I recommend you find a local class and join in the beginners!

Doing it this way, with just me and the teacher, I can get a practice plan just for me, giving me the poses and things to concentrate on that don’t stress my knees, and still leave me feeling I have done something with my body and my mind.

I managed several different poses etc…I don’t yet know their names but least one of them was the Tree Pose at the end. ( see pic above- how I wish that was me!) I have discovered I can balance better on my right leg ( the one with the worse knee!), and when I was relaxing at the end I could see an eye!! My third eye perhaps? Also lots of blue colours, but as I’d worn a bright royal blue top perhaps that is why. I wonder what others see in their mind’s eye?

Then, when sitting cross-legged, or as much as I could, I had to practice an “affirmation”. The Yogi suggested “I am whole and perfect, just as I am” …. Can you guess my reaction? Yes, I found it difficult to believe…even now, after what I think has been a positive few years. Lisa explained that the statement should be one that is a little difficult to believe but will become easier, and suggested I read the book The Four Desires by Rod Stryker all about affirmation.

So I have downloaded the book onto my iPad and think I will need to set aside an hour a day to read it and try to put it into practice…ok, perhaps half an hour, being realistic.

Today will be a Yoga day as tomorrow is PT day (personal trainer) – I am going to alternate them if possible, as I already feel the Yoga is strengthening my thighs! Not to mention stretching my Achilles’ tendons which are really tight. I just hope I can member all the poses. The easiest bit to remember is to let it flow with the slow breathing… Easy to remember, but needs practice to get right.

So, folks, as the sky darkens and the trees wave madly outside my window I am off to practice visualising a glowing sun inside me, and put my Yoga practice time in my phone e diary with an alarm! Hope your day includes an affirmation that you are a fab person!

Laters dudes!

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A New String To My Bow

Yoga imagesLast night I went to my first Yoga class.


I had been training with Adam at lunchtime so was already limbered up. I was looking forward to some gentle stretches and perhaps some meditation…I really didn’t know what to expect. All I knew was that I wasn’t going to be doing any handstands!

We soon settled down onto our mats and I began to realise this was certainly not  beginners course! Lisa had warned me, but you know what its like..in one ear, you nod, and it flows straight out the other! Oh Boy!

First off, its a long time since I sat cross legged on the floor. Thankfully we could roll up our rug and sit up on that to help the posture. Some, including the teacher Lisa, had little blocks to sit on…yep, I will be getting one of those if I survive the course!

Then we were taught to slow and regulate our breathing, visualising a wave going down from our navel to the coxics as we breathed in, and back up to our heart as we breathed out for a count of four each way. This was easier!

Next we were introduced to the chant of Om and how to do it, and what to visualise or rather where the sound should come from as we said all three parts of the word Om – it starts at the bottom and goes up into your brain…it all makes sense when you are doing it!

Then the stretches/exercises/poses started. I am just so glad I couldn’t see myself trying these! The Downward Dog was relatively easy, but with my big tum lunging into the Warrior was a little tricky. I managed with a few hops. I began to sweat with the effort!! Some of the poses we held for quite a while and the thighs began to protest…the knees were beginning to form a union too and I could feel the odd strike being planned in certain regions of the old body. However, I struggled on and I don’t think I made too bad a job of it – not the most elegant in the room I am sure, but that wasn’t the point of going, now was it? No!

We even did the bridge pose- you know, the one we all can do as little kids when we go on all fours inside out/upside down..you know the one, going from lying on your back up onto your hands and feet…I could do the getting the bum and back off the floor, but it will take much time and weight loss before I can do it properly.

At one point there was a chance to go from all fours into a handstand, but lets face it I can’t see me EVER managing that!…however, I remember telling Adam that I didn’t run when I first met him, so perhaps I had better not say those things!

Eventually we were told to get comfy with rugs over us and the relaxation started…bliss!! (The lady next to me started snoring at one point!) I started to feel a smile developing on my face – and I’m pretty sure my body was smiling too. It was tremendously peaceful, and with some practice I am sure I will be able to move back into the light as were were supposed to see ourselves doing.

And then it was all over. one and a half hours had gone and I was feeling..well, I knew I had worked hard, but I also felt wonderful! And I hadn’t made any embarrassing body noises either!!! you know what I mean!

To be honest I had thought Yoga was more relaxation than trying to grasp bits of my anatomy with the opposite hand that hadn’t been designed to get any where near it!!! Perhaps I would be better off in a beginners class, but I have emailed the teacher and asked if it might be better for me to start with a few one-to-one sessions first, so that I can work into the poses, not damage the knees, and get to grips with the spiritual side behind the yoga. the cynics out there will be yelling of course she is going to say yes to those as they are more expensive, but I am lucky I can do this, and I do want to be able to do it right and keep on doing it!

Today I feel much lighter of emotion …going away for a few days with hubby, in the fresh air and playing golf in the sun (Scotland) certainly helped, but I am sure the yoga also has helped, and I want to be able to add it to my quiver of stuff I CAN do.