Murder Most Fun

 

Have you every wanted to murder someone? or at least plan it?

Yesterday I got to not only plan and execute it, but to photograph it too….

No, not a real one, Silly! Otherwise I wouldn’t be here, or at least not putting this blog up! It is all part of my latest photography course assignment, to put together a story board in pictures of a FICTIONAL story.

Above is my lovely friend, Lindsey, who volunteered to be murdered by…well, there was a choice of 2…Caroline or me. Hopefully no-one can tell from my story board, until the last picture that is! ( in my head there is an unearthly “Mwahahaha” at this point).

Caroline had practiced smirking for me, and we did a few versions of this picture below, but this one gives me the shivers!!! Never cross this woman! However, the catch in the story is that someone had sent me an anonymous letter, and hopefully the viewer can’t tell who did this either.

The brief said if we were cleaver enough we could add sounds to the photos, but I suspect I need a whole lesson on that alone, so I am leaving the viewer to add their own soundtrack.

It was such a fun afternoon! It certainly made my job easier that these two ladies were very happy to be directed, to do the shot several times, to give their advice when asked, and to be placed on the damp, cold, leaf-covered ground with ghastly fake blood ( which stains) on her temple and hair. How directors do this sort of job with unwilling actors I don’t know!

Of course, now this photograph won’t stay put and have the words wrapped around it…another lesson required. Life is full of lessons waiting to be learned, isn’t it!

Lx

The Builders are here, put the kettle on.

Have you, now or in the past, ever had The Builders in? Those of you who have will know how I am feeling. For those of you who have never had this phenomenon, here are a few tips for survival…

  1. Tea/Coffee. Always have a huge supply of these in your store cupboards. They may or may not be needed, but you can guarantee if you haven’t got either of these The Builders will ask for that one!
  2. Biscuits. Now you may have one of those rare Builders who doesn’t eat custard creams or ddigestive biscuits, but I haven’t come across them yet. Certainly British Builders love to munch.
  3. Earplugs. Unless you are lucky enough to live in a mansion where you can’t hear what goes on down the other end, buy some of these. Alternatively, plug yourself into your favourite music…no, don’t try an audio book, you will miss something vital. Ah, you think your noise cancelling headphones can block out the sound of a jackhammer? FORGET IT.
  4. Loo paper….enough said!
  5. Draft Excluders. Dust can move through walls and doors through the smallest of cracks. Be prepared to hoover every night, every day.
  6. Go Out! If you don’t feel you can leave Them alone with your precious house, invite friends over for a Watch The Workers party. The Builders might even join in!
  7. Pets. If you have any Precious Pooches then it might be an idea to board them with a trusted friend; I don’t think they make ear defenders for animals, but I could be wrong… Don’t worry about your cats, they will get their own back in their own way!
  8. Have a PLAN. Know what your are expecting the builders to do and when. Go through it with The Builders when they first arrive, watch as they collapse in laughter at your time frame, and rate of work per day chart.
  9. Cash. Now some Builders respond to the old paper stuff and will do just what you want for the thought of extra dosh. But be careful!
  10. Pills. If all of the above fail, ask your doctor for something soothing, just for a few weeks (months?) until the project is finished…well, add a few weeks onto that please Doc, the final bill isn’t in yet…
  11. Budget. I would have put this as number one but lets face it, the final figure will bear no resemblance to your budget, and The Builder will have given you lots to think about along the journey.

These little tips have been given in jest, as I have a great bunch of lads working on my property now. However, for those of you who are planning some work in the future, here’s the number of my psychiatrist…;-) On the whole our “project” has gone swimmingly, from The Builders point of view. They know what they are doing and when, how long concrete takes to go off, how thick the base needs to be, and how many sugars in tea they all like (2…they all like 2! Makes it much easier for me). The unknown factor in this project is….ME! every time I am told something that makes sense at the time, I am in a blind panic when I try to describe it on FaceTime to Hubby on the other side of the World…well, He shouldn’t have asked how it was all going as He is about to go to sleep, now should He???? Why should I be the only one awake at 4am, worrying that they might not have put membrane down where they should have whilst I was away playing golf. I should NEVER have listened to Hubby who said to just get on with my life!!!!