8 years later…

8 years later

I have been watching on Twitter all the love going to Harry Mosley and his family. They have all been through so much, with Harry’s brain tumour; and Harry has been an inspiration to os many people, thinking of others and how to help them. This has struck home hard as 8 years ago today we watched our daughter Ally go into a morphine-induced coma …at about 8pm tonight. She died on the 10th October, aged 15 and a half, having had primary liver cancer diagnosed in March. These last few days were ones of peace and waiting. We talked to Ally as I was convinced she could hear, telling her everything we wanted her to know-including her 13yr old brother, who was tremendously brave throughout it all. The weather was similar to now, sunny and cold, so that Ally was bathed in sunlight when she died, and yes, she was at home. Most of her treatment took place at home with me being her nurse – even her chemotherapy was given via a pump so she could visit her school, friends etc. We had some hysterical times when an air bubble would get in her line and then all hell let loose until we had stopped everything and got rid of the tiny space in the tiny tube. W would sit and gently cuddle afterwards, often on the side of the road as I would be driving her hither and yon. Ally and I packed a lifetime into the 7months between diagnosis and death. I am sure the World over there are parents going through the same feelings as I am, reading about Harry. It sounds funny but we are the lucky ones… We have had the opportunity to say goodbye to our children, to show them how much we love them, to hold them, help them, and finally to let them go. They live on in our hearts, whatever we are doing, and although with time we may not remember them consciously every day, subconsciously they are with us in everything we do. To Harry’s parents and family I send my love. Their pain and loss, and perhaps some relief, is their own, but there are others out here who can relate and are always here if needed. God Bless Harry, God Bless your family. Xxxx

Ally

This is a blog I wrote last year on another site. I wanted to include it on this site as it is really important to me. This is our darling Ally a couple of months before she died. 8 years ago today. She was 15 and a half. She was diagnosed in March 2003 with HCC – adult liver cancer.

She had been feeling ill for a few months, and not finding anything by prodding and poking the doctors said she had Eosophagitus. Our doctor thought she was making a fuss bacause she was at bording school and didn’t like it – far from the truth as Ally tried to tell her when I left the room. She had grown very fond of her school friends and as school was only 10-15 mins form home I was able to pop in occasionally, doing the “tuck” run! Always a popular occurance for her and her friends as I would rock up in gardening clothes and her little bro in the car, and poss the dog! The school, Benenden, was fantastic right the way through from the day she got in to at least a year after she died, and she loved her time there.

I was in NY with my husband, her Dad, for a long weekend as he had been working there all week. We got a call from Ally to say her eyes had turned yellow and she was off to the doc: we spoke to Matron who said she’d keep us posted. then she calle dot say that Ally was going to the hospital for a scan and as it was the day we were returning we said we’d meet them there. During the ultra scan I joked with Ally that it looked like she had the Lock Ness Monster in her. Ever wanted to turn back time and kick yourself?

The consultant who told us what was wrong was the same man who came up with the Eosophagitus diagnosis.No, I didn’t yella t him – we were in too much shock. Ally had a tumour the size of a grapefruit in her liver. As we later found it was near the gall bladder (?) or the entrance to the liver and so was basically inoperable. It was so far advanced the cancer consultant at The Marsden in Surrey said nothing would cure her but something might give her some hope. We let her decide – she said the one that didn’t make her loose her hair was the one she’d go for. The Consultant was very good at not wiping out all hope but at the same time letting her know it was probably terminal.

I dont know when that word was first used, but both Richard and I immediately said we wanted her to have quality of life rather than quantity. In Kings at Denmark hill we had watched children who had been dragged half way round the world for radiation treatments on their livers, and we had seen the affect on the children and the parents. One lad said to Ally he was so tired of it all, he wished it would stop. So there was no discussion between us, we just looked at eachother and both said together “Quality”.

I still stand by that decision. Yes, we had the money and we could have dragged her to three Mile Island in the US for strange and experimental treatments, but the end woudl have been the same, and in the meantime we would have all been exhausted. This way we had 7 months of fun and love with Ally which we would never have had, even if she had been well! The hospital fixed her up with a pump and PICC line into her heart and gave me a lesson on changing packs and clearing lines of air bubbles. So with her special shoulder bag, and me with my first aid kit, we hit the shops, saw her friends, saw films…she fell asleep in Calender Girls ( slightly tackless but she chose it!).

As the summer went on she lost more and more weight as the tumour squuzed her insides into a smaller and smaller space. She had a fairwell party for her school friends,a nd gave them all a goodie bag to say thanks and good bye…our shrubbery saw many a tear shed by both mothers an fathers, including the wonderful caterers who had done our wedding and the childrens’ christenings.

Ally’s brother, Jamie, and his best friend went round taking photos, which we have today in a wonderful book. He was a fantastic chap that day and others, only 13, and putting everyone else first. He had done Common Entrance exams and got into his next school with all of this hanging over him. he had to grow up fast, especially as Ally had always looked after him, spoken for him, and stood up for him. They were 2years 10 days apart and really had never argued! Even the day she gave him his Harry Potter scar whilst chasing him round the house!

Eventually it was obvious there was nothing else we could do for her apart from pain relief. The Diana Nurses form Maidstone Hospital had been wonderful throughout the summer, and as September drew into October they came to be our life line. They were very good at telling me what to look out for as signes of the end coming… Ally didn’t want me to leave her on the Monday; she had a visit from the Vicar on the Tuesday. Then Wednesday night she started to halucinate…the cancer had spread to her brain. She tried spitting at the father, scratching me… so we were very grateful when the nurses came and started her on a morphine drip. She suddenly came back to us and was loving and smiling as she slowly slipped inot a sleep, and then inot unconciousness. The nurses sat up with her so we couls have a sleep, and then left us in the morning.

Strangely the weather was a warm sunny October week, like now. We took it in turns to sit with her, talk toher, and have our meals. Eventually I went off for a bike ride, and then let the boys go off whilst I sat with Ally. Her breathing slowed, occasionally stopped, and then changed to the gravelly occasional gasp. I told her how much I loved her and that it was ok to go, that Grandpa was probably waiting for her to show her round Heaven. Then I told her to hang on whilst I yelled for the boys – they had just come back. They rushed in, and we were all together, holding her hands as she eventually died.

It was very obvious when she left. The sun was shining in her bedroom window, and I opened it wide, as I feel she wanted to leave by the window. I called the doctor and the funeral service. The nurses came and helped me dress her in her fav PJs and made sure I had her funeral clothes ready – her red satin bridesmaid dress, diamond earings, and, of course, Teddy!

Empty, relieved, tired, pained.Drained. I am feeling it now. BUT, I know she wants life to be good for us, and the fact the sun is shining, then and now, and for her funeral means to me that it is ok to go on. “Life is for living, Love is Eternal” is on her headstone. It’s what she believed and so do we. Its getting easier to bare every year. There are some days I don’t think of her.doesn’t mean I have forgotten or love her any lass. It just means life is going on. I am so glad we had her! I adore my memories of her both as a baby and growing up. She was no angel, just a normal girl, and we had the occasional arguement about her room etc…who hasn’t! i am sure she sees us, and now with her grandparents has fun watching us muddle our way through our lives. A Week after she died she gave me a huge hug and cuddled me whilst I slept on the sofa. Her leaving woke me. I often want to feel that again, but know she is off having fun somewhere else, doing whatever we do after this life. ( She is hopefully preparing God for the Dressing Down I will give him if I ever meet him!)

So go on with your lives, live each day, be yourself, love yourself, and give thanks. And SMILE!!!!

 

THE LIVE EVENT

I was going to add this to the blog onto the week so far but as there is so much to say it deserves a page of its own! It was truly in awesome event in the original meaning of the word as you hopefully will see.

Now, my mother (oh,that phrase!) would always get me to places early so as not to be late…we used to turn up for the train back to school at least an hour before it was due to go! I now hate Paddington Station! So not wanting to be late to such an important event, and needing to raid John Lewis perfume counter I emerged from Bond Street tube station at 8.35… Event kick off was at 9.30! Nothing was open but coffee shops…so I scouted out the Carphone Warehouse and 02 shops for later attempt to upgrade my phone, and then saw what I thought was the right Starbucks. I popped in and was going to check it out when out of the corner of my eye I spotted Jayne …see The Breakfast Club link at top of page for further details! Screams of delight followed by huge hugs with her and Dinah, polite handshake with a husband, and kisses for Jay, another Twitter friend and techie, and we all adjourned  downstairs to start the mad chatting. I have to say these ladies are more beautiful in RL than those small avatars on Twitter can ever show!

Pics were shown, coffees ordered, lots and lots of extra hugs and giggles…lord knows what the other customers thought but who cared? Not me, for a change!Jay with the perfect T-Shirt!Nor Jay!

Slowly but surely others turned up to almost the same greetings. It was very interesting to see those who threw themselves into the hugs, and those with just firm handshakes on offer. I’m a great hugger! But I’m not going to force someone to feel my flesh if they don’t want to! After all we were there to meet new friends not scare them all witless…which was mildly what I was feeling at this point!

Very quickly after 9.30 we were full, trying to guess who was who (not my strong point) and straining to hear what folks were saying against the din and laughter(am also partially deaf in one ear!) Folks, I learned loads about my fellow tweeters – they are amazing networkers, no one seemed afraid of going up to almost-strangers and chatting, and this threw into relief a natural divide in my mind of the group….

  • Those there to meet their new friends in Real Life
  • Those there to network for their Businesses

Now I am definitely in the former group as I still can’t bring myself to think of my one holiday cottage making me a business woman. I suppose i had gone to the event with quite a nieve approach -I was there as me, Liz, no more no less. Please don’t ge time wrong..there is nothing wrong with being there to network and promote your business… I used to work in telesales (stop booing!) and I certainly know as an amateur actress how to sell something, but in my innocence I had thought this was going to be friends meeting friends…it was, but more so. Oh lord, am I making sense? probably not!

What I am trying to say, yes I will get to it, is that I had to try very hard not to fade into my usual stance of being in the background until someone came up to say hello…some great exceptions those who I tweet with outside the club, some who had come so far to be there! Yes you, J! There was no stopping me coming up to you!!

 

I have realised how much I rely on my Old Man at social functions where I don’t know everyone. I cling, sometimes literally, to him and then when I’m stuck I can always chat to him! I was totally in awe of these people and the ease with which they spoke to eachother. They all made me feel welcome and interesting (thanks for that folks!) and I learned so much there! In fact next week will be spent checking out everyone’s web sites! So be warned!!

I also learned how much I rely on lip reading in noisy situations, and am worried I might have upset one or two by not replying correctly or not being able to hear what they said! If you read this and think it was you, I am really sorry! It was me, not you!! You were amazing!!

I learned of new sites being set up, of how businesses run, of how I could maximise my little cottage, and how hard these guys business, and how important their business are!

I couldn’t believe that 12.30 came around so quickly and the general riffraff were allowed into our special enclosure, slowly people said their goodbyes, more hugs…whole point for me, not that I’m a perve, you understand! No, really, im not! Just v v tactile!! Pics were taken, videos done (am dreading mine!) and I realised I would have to leave otherwise I would never get home to relieve the dog sitter! J, I wish we could have gone out for lunch! Next time I will plan better….that includes so many of those there!

I left, giving a huge, embarrassingly over the top wave to everyone,(but so me!) and emerged onto Oxford Street…mixed feelings then of elevation that I had done it; regreat that I couldn’t stay longer; panic that I’d be late home; but mainly exhaustion!

I took refuge in 02, as you do, and a very sweet child gave me an upgrade for my iPhone, did not patronise me, and sent me on my way a tired happy bunny! Always a pleasure!

Now, before I proof read this to see if I have managed to make sense…stop yelling no!…I want to emphasise how I feel about it all…. I am so grateful to Jayne and Dinah for organising it, to Jayne for getting me to this mental place where I was part of the event, and to everyone there for being wonderful to me and making me feel i belonged there! I feel I must now start looking at myself again…yes, I know, boring, but this is MY blog, remember! I find that I have been hiding behind the labels of wife, mother, career for rather too long. At this event I was not able to do that, although I am a trollyfolly…no, dolly (stupid spell check) although… I was there as me. Was that good enough? And does it really matter?? I enjoyed myself and by the time I got back to the country felt it had gone well. What do I feel this morning?..something has changed! Not too sure what! Do I feel more confident in me? In who I project to the world? Not sure folks….but I definitely feel something….

Ahem! Polite cough, embarrised face, enough introspection, Gal! I will just say that that was one of the most amazing events I have ever been to, and suddenly I think I want to go to more…but as who???

Hm! Proof reading time, and new iPhone play time now!

If you are still here and awake, let me know what you think…politely please!! Am a delicate ego, no really!

Have a wonderful day, be good!

Lxx

Inconsequential Trifles

 

Nope, sorry, this page is not about puddings i have known and loved! Just a place to put my odd thoughts, musings down that are not connected to anything else… It will be a very full page!

I am at the mo in sitting in Pain Quotidian, one of my favourite places to stop and blog. You will get to know it well from here. The clientele are various from the business meeting chaps to the very youngest who is giving a running commentary of ahaaahhhaaaa from his high chair, I am sure what he is saying is of vital importance, but at the mo his young parents are intent on eachother. Wonderful to eavesdrop on the baby…wonder what he really is saying? Apart from ” oy, parents, my nappy needs changing!” impressed that the dad has gone to Do the deed!

Architects are showing their AirMacs(?)  to show a client the new offices, or maybe their own! Very impressive! ..Hm, wonder if I could wangle a laptop? No, I have this iPad, and I really can’t see the Old Man putting up with me spending over £1000 on another Apple gadget! Damn!

This is one of those nothing days…I get to potter, doing ironing etc for the flat, finishing the odd DVD I started last time I was here, wandering round or sitting here people watching. I am so lucky to be ale to do this! When did I last tell Him that? Must give him an extra hug tonight when he crawls in from a knackering day after not much sleep last night…from my tossing and turning, and yes, I snored! Maybe it is a good thing I am going to the sleep clinic…another blog page? Or is all of this getting too much??

Time for the cheque I think. Wonder what’s the B&W film on 4 this afternoon? Loads of wonderful old films on at mo, all war related that I remember watching with my dad. Caught her eye, good, ok, closing this….

Upgrade

A few weeks ago I had asked in the 02 shop when I was due an upgrade, and was told the 20th Feb…tomorrow!! Whoopee! So many great things happening tomorrow.

So I just gave 02 a quick call to check that I was ok…blow me( not what I actually want to say!!!) according to a verynice young girl I am not due to get it until,24th, as that is when my contract started! Oh no it didn’t! How do I know? Cos that’s the day my mother died! And I got the iPhone at least a week before that as I lost my old one in Rye! This is all because Carphone Warehouse passed my accouToronto 02.

Actualy I’ve now got my upgrade from 02. Got it straight after the Breakfast Club live event. Love it, but it’s a shame it’s a wee bit smaller than the iPhone 3… Or that my fingers haven’t miraculously become thinner!

I’m just sitting down with a cup of tea before ironing His shirts for the week. Isn’t it funny how being in a different place on a Saturday can really throw you! I keep thinking its either Saturday or Monday, but not Sunday! Weird! And I’ve been thinking how nice it’ll be to be at home for the week, but of course that means I’ll not see Himself for another 4 or 5 days. I’ll say good bye to him tomorrow (Monday) and pick him up on Friday so really it’s only 3days but always feels like 5! On the plus I get the bed to myself, on the down side I’m by myself. Each coin has two sides!

Amazing week so far!

This has been an amazing week, and there is more to come!!

On Monday I spent the whole day trying to learn how to put pictures and videos on this site….yes, I know, I failed on the video front, but only cos I ran out of time! I did manage to put a video on YouTube, so now I just have to find how to link them (if I get the courage to do any more!) to here.

By the end of the day I was exhausted! How you guys manage to spend all day doing it, or working at a computer all day, I don’t know! I’m not used to it! Of course having a messy desk probably doesn’t help.

You notice I have not typed in a link to the video here! I was horrified at the result. See my other blog as to why! The rest of the week has resored myconfidence tho!

Tuesday was art, and I really felt I made a good start at last! I will put a pic up at a later date, or an album or whatever of my stuff. It is not fab but I am pleased that I have achieved something I feel is good enough to frame, and that is what it is all about!

Then came Wednesday!!!

OMW…oh my word, folks! Not on my way!

First I went to the local hospital to have my nose probed! It wasn’t my idea, believe me! Apparently I snore..no, I don’t believe it either! Oh, we’ll, ok, maybe a little…no pictures broken yet tho! I had to fill in forms that asked me questions I couldn’t answer (school exams sprang to mind!) about where I snore from – nose or mouth! Honestly! How do I know? I’m asleep at the time!! Then the doc looked up my nostrils, brave man! He then sprayed a disgusting-tasting anasthetic up one and put a relatively thin long camera up said passage and mad eme make faces and suffocatso whilst he watched. Don’t think he’ll sell many of those DVDs! Ugh!

The upshot is I am booked in to the sleep clinic next wee. This means I spend the night in a ward with a load of other snorers and they monitor how badly I sleep.

Now, I am with you…it is obvious that I will not sleep well in a strange place surrounded by strangers! At least I am taking my teddy! Yes, I sleep with a teddy, stop laughing! There are quite a lot of us adults who do! To be accurate it is a rabbit….stuffed toy given to my daughter but she never took to him so I gave him home in my bed! I will blog about it next week!

Then came one of the best 3 hours ever! I went to meet one of my twitter friends! Brave of both of us as our respective sons had warned us the other could be a nutter etc! I am so glad we took no notice! It is wonderful as well as mildly weird when you meet someone you instantly click with! From our first big hug to the last goodbye hug we were laughing…my ribs really ache today! We have so much in common, including middle names! Gadgets, books, photography, mothers dying in the same year…we seemed to have covered so much between the laughter, giggles, etc. She  is an amazing woman, instal,warm and welcoming. A bit of me was in awe at what she has achieved in her life -a huge bit!  And there am I exhausted by just one day of working on the computer!

It was a shame I had to drag myself away and hit the hairdressers, but sooo needed! That gave me a small break before dashing home and then up to London to see my Old Man.

And that is not all! Tomorrow I will meet a whole new lot of twitter friends at The Breakfast Club Live event!! Yes, of course there will be a blog about that! And pics etc on the club website too I expect.

Mow I have to find out why the fridge keeps turning itself off! Back to themundane folks, but someone has to!

Thanks for reading, and I’ll see you later.

be kind to yourselves, and have fun!

L xx

Video blog or written blog?

I have spent most of the day so far learning how to video myself and how to upload it to this blog…..not to mention keeping my little finger away from the ‘publish’ button on iPad before I am ready!

I have learned a huge amount, and not necessarily about the technology!

  • I don’t look like that!
  • I don’t sound like that!
  • I have scary eyes when opening them wide!
  • My hands are a law unto themselves
  • My eyes keep wandering!

OK, that’s enough! You get the picture, I am not a happy bunny about seeing myself on the screen. I am far more vain than I realised, or to put it another way...who is that middle-aged fat woman?????

As Dinah Liversidge reminded me on Twitter, we don’t see ourselves as others do…Gosh, I hope she’s right, otherwise after Friday Breakfast Club Live I will be down to the odd few followers who don’t come!!!

In my mind and in my heart I am still about 30, with a fairly good body and lovely hair. What I saw was a cross between my mother (of course!) and the old Dawn French with a very weak high voice, and a very very odd mouth!

What has worried me is whether I do this to others? Do I look at them and make a mental judgement? I REALLY hope not!!! I have always said the pages are far more interesting than the book cover…

So, have I been kidding myself? I am sure there are those out there who know the biological and psychological reasoning behind all of this; why we do not see what others see. I only know that my first viewing of myself knocked my confidence rather.

But I must remind myself that looks aren’t everything… I used to get on rather well on the telephone with clients when in telesales; people seem to like my tweets and follow; and I have not had to overcome any facial problems.

In fact, Lass, you have been very lucky, so stop feeling so sorry for yourself, and get on with it!

So, I will continue to practice the videos, and find the easiest way to put them on the blog. I will not spend too much time worrying about how I look…there’s not much I can do about the main bits, apart from tarting them up with make up and hair spray anyway! And I will give you lots more credit than I am doing! If you were the type of people who judged folks on their looks alone I don’t think you’d be following me, now would you?

so on with the typing practice!

L xx

Aren’t People Fab!

YES THEY ARE!!!

This morning was one of those Monday morning jobs…due to rail works between Hastings and Ashford every Monday morning for the next 8 weeks or so, Hubby and I will be driving to Ashford International so he can whizz up to London.

Now, normally I don’t begrudge him anything like this. It means no fewer mins in bed, and gets him into the office when he wants…very important that! It sets him up for the week slogging at his desk. Actually, I think he is one of the few that loves their jobs so he’s a very lucky bunny!

However! As you will grow to lear through my blogs my mornings are very important to me for one special reason….The Breakfast Club on Twitter! This was started by a wonderful lady, Jayne,and developed with another fab lady, Dinah, into a great way to start your weekday. As soon as I know it’s ok I’ll put a link to their web page so you can find out all about it. In the meantime why not follow and join in 6.45-8am each weekday on twitter, check out #thebreakfastclub.

This is a club where positivity, hugs, and virtual mugs are on offer to help get us going. I am very honoured to be one of The Trolly Dollies, along with Jayne, Dinah and Lisa, which means I hand out hugs and mugs from my supercharged, sky blue pink trolly with white spots and heated seat! Occasionally I might just hand out porridge, or pain au chocolate, depending on what the trolly produces that day! I really enjoy the banter, hearings about folks’ days, their plans, and generally connection with others.

This morning I I attempted to do my trolly service whilst Hubby drove to Ashford….that bit worked well, I think. I was so engrossed that I missed a near accident with a lorry and car in front of us…probably a good thing as I then didn’t shreek, clasp hubby’s arm and generally panic! So I think he was quite pleased! We got to the station and said goodbye, he sweetly a rapping a multi-coloured scarf I knitted him for Christmas round his well dressed neck. I then drove to a nearby supermarket carpark to safely continue my trolly duties.

All good so far

It was a beautiful sunrise, the chat flowed, mugs and hugs exchanged, jokes completely flying over my head…for a change I hope! Then I popped the engine on for a few minutes to reheat the car and me, and switched off again.

Just before 8am I thought I’d better start wending my way home to Buddy the dog and the two cats who, let’s face it, wouldn’t have noticed my absence!(the cats that is, Buddy always knwos where I am, it’s a sympatico thing!)  I turned the ignition. Click. I turned it again. Click. “oh s..t,” I exclaimed..yep, defiately exclaimed that out loud! I tweeted how stupid I’d been and looked around the carpark at the few other cars there. Aha! Behind me was a girl in a car looking at her phone. Over I rushed and asked her if she had any jump less and time to give me a start. Alas, it was a hire car and they don’t have them! I looked around again. Over in another part I spotted a chap in an Environmental Agency truck, and dashed towards him (poor chap must have panicked at the sight of mad woman first thing in the morning!).

He and his mate (might have been his boss, gulp) immediately drove the truck round so that our batteries were in reach of each other, and they jumped me…started the car I mean!!!!  I was mobile again! Actually I rather think I got a mild telling off from the one who seemed boss-like for stopping to check emails! Cheek! but I can forgive him and was very prolific in my thanks…but not creepy! Well, I hope not!!!

So off I went, driving back towards Hastings, with Chris Evans and his wonderful choice of music, laughter with Moira Stewart etc on the radio and the most glorious, clear sunny morning outside. Spirits were high!

When I next looked a my iPad and twitter timeline I saw that two of the breakfast club folk had been ready and willing to come and help me out! In fact one of them was already out and heading towards where I had been to give me a jump start!! I was overwhelmed at the thought that these two strangers would go out of their way to find another stranger and help her out! I say ‘strangers’ as we have not met in Real Life, but we have chatted on twitter, communicated, linked.

That, folks, is what I love about people! We may fight eachother over land, religion, beliefs, oil, gas and other “stuff” but when it comes to helping eachother People Are Fab!

My thanks to you two, and I hope to meet you soon in RL to say it to your face.

PS. I have just realised (oh so late!) that I wasn’t going to tell Hubby about this! Oh well, this will be a good indication of whether he reads my blog or not!! Oh, I feel a whole new blog on that subject coming on…

Take care of your selves, and be kind to each other!

Lxx

 

Frustration!

GRRRRRR.…I am trying to do this new blog including photographs from iPhoto, and unfortunately the drag and drop system keeps telling me the pics are too big to be dropped in! Due to my lack of knowledge I can’t think how to make the pics smaller, or whatever I need to do to include them, hence the GGGGGGrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!

I have to say it was easier in Posterous.com!!..oh now that’s a thought! Can I copy something from a posterous site and then print it here? If so there are a couple of blog entries I would really like to include on this site!

Hold on…how did I include the other pics on my first blogs here? Ah, they were taken on my phone, not the camera!. Still I ought to be able to figure this one out…why should you be deprived of what might be a good thing?

This is not working, but I am finding other things out..still not good enough tho!!!!

OK, enough for now. I shall try again another day. Then I’ll have fun trying to upload a video blog! OMG,as they say, I have brain ache!!!!

If there is a techno whizz out there, please put me out of my misery! On the other hand I might just email our host!!

Bye for now, I’ll keep you posted.

Lxx

Read The Instructions!

Are you one of those people who opens a gadget or an Ikea box or Lego box, and dives straight in? Yep, me too, and I have done it with this site! Can you tell? I truly hope not to be honest..and perhaps I shouldn’t be admitting to all of this in public!

When I first downloaded WordPress I just went straight to the Dashboard site and followed some of the instructions there. I suspect I deleted a few things I shouldn’t have done..text boxes, menus, things like that. I had a picture in my head of how it would all look in a few seconds of my usual fiddling…

Now, the present result is not all that bad to my mind, but there are things missing which I would like to put down the side to the left, and at the bottom…See? Can you guess what?

Well, down the bottom there are no links to Twitter, Facebook, somewhere for you to tick, the number of folks who have looked at this…not a bad thing perhaps if it stays on zero!

And on the side I would like links to Teenage Cancer Trust, The Breakfast Club and a few people I would like you to meet..

(I can already hear the purists among you yelling at me for starting the last paragraph with ‘And’. I have not worked out the paragraphing yet, ok?! AND this is not an English exam, thank goodness!!!)

I am admitting that I need help and have called in an expert to have a deco and give me some guidance…and yes, she is of a different generation, yes younger as if you need to ask! But I am not proud, and if she can help me to do all that I want with this site you will thank me in the end!…those of you who stick it out with me, that is!

On a serious note, and yes, there will be a few of those, I suspect all of this shows you how I live my life. There is NO Instruction Sheet on how to live the perfect life (and who would read it if there was?). We have to have a fiddle around with the bits and pieces, trying to fit all the strange shapes together as best we can. It is obvious when the pieces don’t fit, and no amount of banging will make them! I have been so fortunate that those pieces have been very, very few, and hope that all my pieces will fit. My family has never come with an instruction sheet, which I am sure my hubby would agree with, especially me, but over the years we have written our own. Like this page it needs editing every now and then to get it right, and we will only know we have succeeded when we are sitting on the proverbial porch in our old age looking back on it all.

I dont think having a Life instruction Sheet would make our lives any better really. It is the fiddling and editing that makes it all so rich. Some rules and guidelines in certain cases do help, and it is good that there are those out there to help us! You know who you are, and I thank you will all my heart!

If there is another life after this one, I wonder if it comes with an instruction sheet? Somehow I am hoping not!

PS: 14th Jan… Hubby has just been forced to look at this site…the result? My spellings have been checked and corrected, thank you Hubby! See…good job I didn’t take up teaching, tho I wonder if anyone would notice these days! …He Would! and is looking over my shoulder as I type…perhaps typing lessons might be in order!

Take care,

L x

Depression

I have just been reading about Andrew Flintoff and other sportsmen admitting to having suffered from depression.

I take my hat off to them all for speaking out about it. It was only this summer that I was able to admit that I was depressed… Not hugely, but enough to make life difficult for me and those nearest and dearest. I didn’t mind about the thought of dying. In fact I was looking forward to it! No, I wouldn’t have done anything about it, but I was rather fascinated by it all and felt that everyone would get on much better without me. My darling boys (hubby and son) were very quick to point that what rubbish that was! However it was not until the doctor told me he thought I was depressed that I really took it on board…after all, I am the strong one, I don’t get down, I hold things together! TOSH!

At the time I had just found Jayne M Cox, The Body Image Expert, on Twitter and was talking to her about my weight. When I told her what the doctor had said she was so pleased. We talked and talked and at last, just by admitting it, I felt a huge weight lifting off my shoulders, and I was able to move forward and away from the depression.

Isn’t it sad that these wonderful sportsmen who have opened up felt they had to keep silent about it to begin with! Surely the more we speak about it, the more we can find out about it, and hopefully the more people can be helped!

Our mental health is so important whoever we are. So I hope you are looking after yours!

Big hugs

L xx

First Blog on my site!

YESSS!!! can’t believe I managed to get ths site up and running! I have been blogging at Posterous.com up to now, so bare with me as I get used to these wonderful changes!

I am also going to have to learn how to post here from my iPad as I tend to post blogs wherever I am!

Also how to include a pic! i have so many i would like to share, and as we goa long you will discover that I love pictures of my local beach…very claming and soothing. It is where I go when i feel the need to recharge the soul, get over something, or just for the sheer enjoyment of it all!

Here should be a pic of said beach…nope, but it was above said beach!

I’ll get there folks!Just have a little patience! There!!!

Now, that’s all for the moment…just a little taster of me and my life.

if you want more on a daily basis why not follow me on twitter.. @thebisson and join in the fun of #thebreakfastclub 6.45-8am every weekday. or discover more about it on bit.ly/tpJvhc

Thanks for reading this first blog, and hope to see you soon!

Lx

Peace, perfect peace

Hello world!

Who would have thought that 2012 would see me with a web site?

Well, me actually! (of course) Somehow this year seems to be starting on such a positive vibe! This year feels that it is going to be the one that sees so much change both in the World and in my life.

Am I being very egotistical having my own site? A bit, surely! But it is also to promote my holiday cottage….see Menu above for the link.

One reason for doing all of this is to keep the old brain going!

Another is I hate to be left out of things!

The third is I used to be the one my friends turned to when PCs were first coming into our homes. I couldn’t and still can’t write programmes or anything brilliant like that; but through sheer fiddleing I would find out how to send emails, surf the net ect, and occasionallty they would ask me how to do something…all grist for the ego!

Now I feel I am in danger of being left behind by the likes of my 9 year old neice, who can probably work out how to do all of this whilst in her sleep! And I don’t like it!!

So lets see what this ol’ bird can do, shall we? Who said ‘no’!

 

bfn

Lx